Getting to know me

“And how do you know when to let go? Where does the good go?”

Sometimes it is difficult to know when to give up on something. You have invested time, energy, money into it and you are not reaping the rewards of it, but you feel that you should stick with it.

This has been me the last few months. Lockdown should have been the perfect time for me to focus on my part-time studies. However, the more I tried, the less motivated I was to do it. The uncertainty of lockdown coupled with my anxiety over Covid and Lupus accompanied with the uncertainty of when I would return to work as well as when my learners would return, made it a struggle for me to concentrate on writing a grocery list, never mind the debilitating difficulty of writing an academic essay.

During Lockdown I decided to drop half the subjects I had registered for in the hopes that it would help me focus more energy and attention on the remaining subjects. This proved helpful, but it wasn’t enough. I felt anxious every time I saw an assignment deadline creeping up and the closer it came, the less I was able to concentrate on the work.

In the past few weeks, I have found my voice at work, which has been an enormously empowering experience for me. This has helped me to realise I should be focusing my attention and care on the things that bring me joy.

Most of my joy at the moment comes from spending time with my husband and cats, House Party with my mom and sisters and the admin aspects of my teaching job.

I also realised that I need face-to-face input from lectures, lecturers and peers. Even though I am an introvert, my biggest struggle with online studies was having to work through the curriculum on my own. Knowing this is also empowering, as the next time that I attempt part-time studies, I will find a similar course that offers classes to help me with interactions.

The silver lining to this cloud is that this blog is definitely making a comeback from this post onwards!

Watch this space!

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